"There is no time frame for healing"
These were the words given to me by my friend, Bruce, King of Chickens. He has always been one of the wisest people I know. I recall our mega baked poolside chats, young and stupid adolescents, brains warped and twisted by an apothecary's worth of substances. When we were younger, Bruce and I and our friends pushed reality to snapping point. For many of us, reality snapped. Others went out Friday and never came home Saturday.
Bruce and myself are among those few that made it through. So when shit happens, speak to those who have seen some shit in their time. Bruce has certainly seen some shit.
I have taken his words to heart. He is 100% correct. I was trying to rush things. I wanted to be on the other side of this hurt, pain and heart ache. I just forgot that you need to feel the pain in order to overcome the pain, to learn from the pain, and hopefully, maybe, just maybe, actually grow from the pain and become a better person.
Here we are, a week before a date I was dreading and I am taking the power back. I am walking the path towards getting better. Spend twenty years with a person and life becomes a series of important dates: for some, it's Valentine's day, for others, anniversaries, maybe birthdays, even first kisses or possibly other firsts. The year gets chopped up into sections moving to or from one of these special dates, dates with significance attached as consequence of time and memory shared with another.
Saint Patrick's day will once again be Saint Patrick's day, and nothing else. We almost made it to ten, but we just couldn't get over that line. Oh well, shit happens.
It's spring time, things are getting better, and I am taking back those dates, those songs, those memories and those feelings, all those things that I had once shared for nearly two decades. After such a long time, significance is applied to so many things. I wanted to just erase it all, as all of it triggered the black spread of pain. But healing takes time. You cannot simply amnesia your way back to health.
So fuck it. I will take back Easy Star All Stars. Yes, they will remind me of road trips along the coast, smoke out sessions, late nights on the couch and all the good times. I will take back all the music that was the long and wonderful soundtrack of us. I will take back all those abstract acts and moments of significance, I will give new meaning, attach new memories, not to replace, or forget, but simply to grow.
I can no longer let the bitterness, the depression and the heart ache drive me. Yes, there is no time frame, but still, forward momentum calls me.
Today's post was written to Easy Star All Stars cover of the Beatles Getting Better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGLd6CPdbb4&list=OLAK5uy_nxhXTdz2BG01ZWaJnzyj7E345ixS89cVQ&index=4
