Here we are, the final day of 2022. It's been a somewhat topsy turvy year to say the least. If I think back to this time last year, I was in a very different place, mentally, emotionally and physically.
This time last year I was in the early stages of recovering from the collapse of my marriage. I was still broken, but the edges of my psyche were finally starting to reconnect. The work I had put in to heal myself was starting to work. While life in Seville was still strange and different for me, I has started to make some really good friends and was starting to find my feet in life after marriage.
Mostly, I had started to see the light.
Then came spring after that cold and dark winter. It warmed the edges of me and life asked to come back in. I allowed life to re enter and happiness and joy started to hesitantly regrow where previously all had withered into brown memories of where life had flourished. The wounds had healed, the scars had formed, and tougher now, I went forth looking for new pathways in my new life.
Work, writing and working out gave me focus, direction and structure.
Yes, I was drinking way too much and smoking way too much, but that was fine, guided by the immovable nature of the 3 Ws.
Then I went to a Dub gig in late Spring, early Summer. I met Emel. Through the sub and the smoke, we spoke, we connected. Since that night, I have been writing a bit less and living a lot more.
This Summer, I went back to Summer school and taught in England. I also went to 18 different Wetherspoons. I stopped smoking weed and tobacco. I stayed with my brother in Bristol and my sister in Macclesfield. And with Emel in London.
From England Emel and I toured Turkey together. It was amazing. The connection we formed in the Aegean was beautiful. It felt like we had known each other for years rather than months. As with all things though, our time in Turkey came to an end and life and routine returned. Back in Seville our time together continued.
Then one day, I was at her apartment and she told me the news. She was pregnant. She was quite scared to tell me. I did not know how to react. It changed everything. For the better. We moved in together and got to know each other better. I stopped drinking in the week and was pretty good about working out and working, but the writing fell off somewhat.
Then in late Summer one of my friends, Pawl, asked me to join his band. Music fully returned to my life. I have run with it. I bought a midi keyboard and drum pad, got Ableton again and started making electronic music again.
Autumn brought with it rain and early sunsets. Movies on the couch with Emel and the knowledge my parents had moved to England. A writers club re started and regularly met up to discuss the non progress in my writing. Whoops.
Autumn became misty morninged Winter, Christmas lights went up in Seville and I had someone next to me who I could enjoy them with, rather than the bitterness of the previous Christmas, when I saw the same lights, but alone, and miserable.
Then we flew to England, myself and Emel, to meet my family, together for the first time in a decade. And it has been amazing. An excess of food and alcohol and fantastically fun family tension. It has been the greatest gift of all. Aren't clichés grand.
Here I am, sitting on a couch in Portishead, writing these words on New Years Eve, 2022. My life has been turned completely around this year.
From darkness to light, I have put in the work and as always, I am at the beginning of something new. Pain has given way to hope. It feels good. There is an optimism that fills me. The cynicism and bitterness of past iterations of myself seems so unnecessary now. In 2023 I will become a father and once again life will change completely.
In conclusion, life goes where life will. We cannot predict it or force we merely have to adapt. In consequence, the best we should do is Radiate Positivity Mother Fuckers!
Happy new years and I hope 2023 is a nice set of weights for all of us to lift and strengthen our minds, emotions and bodies.
In the meantime, here is my latest track:
https://soundcloud.com/dead-plastic/house-track-001
have listen, leave a like!
